I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
