Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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