playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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