I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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