i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have fence marks all over my body
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
