chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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