Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
