see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Who died my cat blue again?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
