I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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