When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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