Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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