His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize