Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
