You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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