Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
