awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
