I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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