just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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