I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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