i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
