Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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