Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
