You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
