YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
