Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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