Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
