So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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