the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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