alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
