Im at strip club and am horny
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
