I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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