Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
