Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
