I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
