just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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