he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
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