saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
