The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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