this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
