i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
