I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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