he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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