he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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