I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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