At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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