i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
