Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
