Can i not drive my cunt home
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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