I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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