and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
