if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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