he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
