You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The beer is more important than you right now.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
