he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
