Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just had sex on a roof
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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