My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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