You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
