I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
