So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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