I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
