You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
