Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
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I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
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I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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