you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
