Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
