one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize