Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize