Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
How does one acquire holy water?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
