Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
