Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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