yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
