do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
