It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
