we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
