i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
