I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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