we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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