You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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