Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we're making bets on your personal life
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
