let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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